From A Woman's Perspective: May 10, 2025 "Helping Mom (or Dad) Downsize"
Friday May 09th, 2025
Helping Mom (or Dad) Downsize Pt.1
Good morning, Marilyn. This is the weekend that we are celebrating Mothers and mother-figures. Recently, I had the pleasure of helping a client in their 60s prepare their property for sale in order to downsize to a condo. In the course of conversation, she revealed that her mother, who was in her late 80s, was still in her long-time home and had declared that she’d only be leaving “feet first.” It occurred to me then that some of our listeners might benefit from my professional advice about helping their elderly mom (or dad) get ready to downsize.
First, let’s define the terms. By downsize, I don’t mean merely decluttering, although that is a big part of the preparation process. I mean actually selling the oversized home and moving to a new place that is smaller, safer, and easier to manage. This move is intended to address the aspects of their current home that are problematic: laundry in the basement, social isolation, outside and inside spaces that are too hard or costly to maintain.
But for independent-minded seniors who might be resistant to the idea of moving, helpers must tread carefully. Here’s some tips I’ve picked up from several years of helping seniors make the downsizing transition as smoothly and stress-less as possible:
- Downsizing is first and foremost a mental transition:
Long before the moving trucks arrive, the senior you care about has to have made the mental leap to living in a new space. There will be a time of consideration, pondering the options, mentally trying on and taking off what this will look like for them personally. It’s almost like trying on a new jacket; they might say, yes, this might work, or no, this definitely doesn’t fit.
You can support a senior during this phase by giving them time, information and a judgment-free space to sound their ideas, hopes and objections.
- Clarity is power:
Pondering the decision to downsize frequently raises more questions than it answers for senior parents lacking a ton of outside sources of information. Having someone guide them through conversations about their plans (notice that I said, conversations, as in plural, since this is not a “once and done” kind of process) about their future is extremely helpful, especially when motivated by a genuine desire to understand, and not control.
It can be as simple as starting over a cup of tea, “How do you see the next few years going for you here, Mom/Dad?” An open-ended question with some additional gentle probing is the key to both understanding and compassion.
The next question might be, “Have any of your friends downsized recently?” and “What has their experience been like?” and “Have you ever considered doing the same thing?” Here’s an excellent place to find out what their objections are. Sometimes it’s fear of the unknown. Sometimes it’s undertaking all the physical labour to pack up. Sometimes it’s misconceptions about their options.
By helping your senior parent self-discover about their hopes, fears, plans, gaps in knowledge you can tailor the help you offer to suit their needs. It goes a long way to reassure them of your love, support, and desire to see them healthy and happy. They need to hear that they are still adults, and aren’t being infantilized.
And at the same time, it is perfectly appropriate that they hear what settling their future would mean to you as their adult child. Share how you worry about the dangers from falls, or that they aren’t eating properly or taking their medication. Share how you dread having to deal with all their stuff once they’re gone. This isn’t to manipulate them into doing what you want them to do, but part of the open sharing this conversation involves.
On a final note, I understand that not all parent-child relationships have this kind of dialogue as the norm. Sometimes hearing it from an objective third-party can circumvent tricky family dynamics. Don’t be afraid to involve professionals who are experts in helping seniors with their financial, estate and real estate needs.
If you would like to start the conversation, reach out to me, Sharon, at 416-460-5636. You can also visit our website, smartrealtysolution.com to find helpful resources geared toward addressing the real-world challenges downsizing seniors face. May I suggest, “Downsizing Done Right” as a terrific booklet to start the conversation. It will help your senior parent get the basic information that will empower their decision-making process. Like everything at SMART Realty Solutions, it’s free of cost or obligation.
That’s it for me, Marilyn. This is Sharon Parenteau, and this has been your SMART Realty Solutions for today.
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